I fell off the ball.

I fell off the exercise ball yesterday during Jazzercise. 

See, I've been in a little bit of a funk since before Christmas.  Maybe because my parents were far away for the holidays.  Maybe because it's been raining for 471 days (or something like that).  Maybe because Kevin's been working a lot.  But for whatever reason, the funk settled in.  I have been diligently trying to pray my funk away, begging God to give me some relief from my bad mood or at the very least, please help me stop snapping at my kids.  I woke up yesterday morning determined to be gentle, but by 8:30 I was shouting, "Get out of the dog kennel and put your shoes on for the love of Pete!!!"

Maybe I need a good work out, I thought, so I went to the high impact class at Jazzercise.  I am not a high impact kind of gal, but I was desperate.  Somewhere around the last 3/4 of the class she asked us to grab an exercise ball.  You're probably all familiar with exercise balls.  They look like a great load of fun until you have to use them and then it becomes painfully obvious that the devil probably invented them and sells them at outrageous prices from the gates of hell. 

And that's when it happened.....at the height of my emotional and physical frustration, I fell off the ball.

I don't even know what I did to fall off.  One minute I was on top of it trying to make my chest and abdominals "look like a table top" and the next minute my booty was on the ground.  The ball had flown out from underneath me and the person exercising behind me caught it. 

There's nothing like a little humility to remind you who is God and who is not. 

Okay, God, I give.  Show me.

Because I can't even stay on top of the stupid exercise ball these days and I need some help.  I've literally hit my the bottom.  Show me the way out of this mood.

Later that afternoon I walked in on Michael (8) fussing at Parker (2 1/2) for scattering a deck of cards all over the room.  It was like someone had recorded my voice and was playing it back through my son.  Aaaaahhh, I thought.  There it is.  When your children fussing at one another becomes the blessing you need to snap you out of it.  The Lord does work in mysterious ways.  Mysterious, but mighty.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are my ways higher than your ways,
And my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and snow come down from heaven
And do not return to it without watering the earth
And making it bud and flourish,
So that it yields seed for the sower
And bread for the eater,
So is my word that goes out from my mouth.
It will not return to me empty,
But will accomplish what I desire
And achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out with joy
and be led forth in peace...." Isaiah 55:8-12

Will today be better?  Yes, I think so.  The turtles were back in the creek when we walked to school this morning.  That's got to be a sign.  But in case you're running short of your own signs, remember His word.  That His way is high and mighty and good.  That His will for you is joy and peace.  That His plan has a purpose, and His purpose will succeed. 

XOXO....Kelly

I want it all.

I just read the most freeing, amazing thing in the world the other day.  From Sarah Young's (author of Jesus Calling) 40 Days with Jesus.....

"I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me.  Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life.  You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted.  But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.  Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all."

Oh, Hallelujah!  It's like all the crazies in my head flew away and exploded in the sunlight!  To be affirmed that my day, my life as a busy mother of four is not hopeless, not void of a relationship with God just because my laundry room is full of clothes, my floor is filthy and all the dishes need put away.  It turns out chaos is not an absolute deterrent for a faith-filled life, which is excellent news around here.....

(yes, there is also a dog playing the piano in this picture)

Because here is the ugly, honest truth about me.

I want it all.

I want to know God and walk with Jesus and feel His Spirit, and I want the bathrooms clean at the same time.  Is that too much to ask?

I want to cook dinner for my family, and teach my kids about following Christ.

I want to volunteer and serve my husband, and hear God's voice.

And I can!  I can have it all!  I do not have to choose.  I certainly don't see all these things as equal.  I understand the need for balance, the danger in thinking my ways are higher than His.  But I can enjoy (or sometimes not enjoy!) a day so busy and full of action and still go to sleep feeling His peace at night. 

Can you??

Quit making God's peace seem so unattainable.  Quit thinking you need a spiritual retreat and a trip up the mountain to know He is there.  God is here, now, in the midst of it all.  He meets us where we are.  In the middle of the night, He whispers to the mother rocking her child back to sleep.  In rush hour traffic He lends us a glimpse of the sunrise.  At the grocery store, a kind smile from a stranger. 

Do you know what the problem with the Tower of Babel was?   Our terms.  Our attempt to meet God in our own way, by our own means.  We don't need a tower to reach God.  We just need to invite Him into the everything of our day.  Our meetings, our meals, our to-do list.  Look at Mary and Martha.  Martha's problem was not her to-do list.  It was her lack of joy, her lack of Him.   

So lighten up.  Chances are life isn't going to start slowing down any time soon.  And if it does it won't be that way for long.  Do your laundry.  Feed your family.  Go to work.  Take the downtime when you can get it.  But in the meantime...He is there.  Find Him.

XOXO....Kelly

Starting over....

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me...Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation.  Psalm 51:10, 12

Starting over used to be easier.  If I wanted a change, I simply made one.  My hair, the quilt on my bed, the color on my walls.  Spontaneity could happen everyday!

And then some other stuff happened, as is the way of life.  Jobs, a husband, a house, kids, dogs, etc.  People start expecting you to be places...like work and school...on a regular basis.  Getting a hair cut means finding time for an appointment and finding someone to watch the kids while you go.  Do you know how many opinions Kevin has on bedding?  And don't even get me started on paint colors....

But then it turns out those aren't the kind of changes that fulfill me anymore anyway. 

I've started reciting this verse when I wake up in the mornings.  It helps me to remember the kind of change I should be working for.  As I say it I try to imagine that my body is full of sand, sand made up of pride, anger, resentment, envy, criticism.  I picture God's spirit pouring into me, light as air but strong as wind, and pushing the sand out until I can stand up again, free and unburdened.  Some days I move on feeling light and simple all day.  Some days I am full of sand again before breakfast is finished. 

What peace there is to know I can start over again the next day.  All it takes is one deep breath and the willingness to let all that weight go.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew my spirit.
Restore my joy.
For You alone are my salvation.
Amen.

XOXO.....Kelly

Fruits and vegetables

One day over lunch, a wonderful friend of ours engaged the boys in a discussion on fruits and vegetables.  And as I'm not aware of many fruit and vegetable discussions that don't end up in this direction, we were all trying to remember the difference....what makes a fruit and what makes a vegetable?  Fruits grow on trees, vegetables in the ground?  I don't know, something like that.  I am aware that there is probably a very specific scientific answer to this question, but even as I ponder it I can't help but wonder if the person who started classifying the differences between the two isn't beating his head against a wall somewhere right now.  You know, like every time someone starts an argument over avocado (which is a fruit) and a banana (which is not) he just wants to scream out, "Who cares?!!!  Just eat it!"

Or maybe John Calvin when he broke off from the Roman Catholic Church in the 1500's.  Did he have any idea that his idea of reform would develop into over 40,000 different denominations, sects, movements and organizations of the Christian church worldwide?

Who should take communion? 

Can I get married here? 

That's a sacrament! 

What's a sacrament? 

I thought it was an avocado.
 
An avacado's a fruit!   

It boggles the mind, doesn't it?  When did it get so hard to follow Christ?  Does anyone else have a picture of Him up in heaven beating his head against a wall as we argue about what color the altar cloth should be during the season of Epiphany? 

Don't get me wrong.  I know it's not as easy as that.  I know that even with the most open-hearted, open-minded intentions we will still open God's word and, human as we are, each read something slightly different.  Some of us don't read it at all.  We just go by what we are told.  Or by what clever little poster someone puts together for their Facebook page.  But there is a difference between religion and faith.  There is a difference between going to church and following Christ.  And while I think both are necessary and important, the first doesn't mean anything if we don't make the latter our priority.

I personally love all types of fruits and vegetables.  Except jalapenos.  Don't even get me started on jalapenos.  And hominy...that stuff is disgusting.  And red delicious apples.  They may be red, but they are not delicious. 

But I'll praise their maker while I've breath, and follow Christ with them any day. 

XOXO.....Kelly

Michael, Blake and I in a pumpkin patch fall 2008.  A pumpkin is a fruit!

IKEA People

I made my semi-annual trek to IKEA last week.  It's about 30 minutes from our house, so I don't go often.  But I see something online or get their catalogue in the mail and I eventually convince myself to go check out whatever it is I saw. 

I took Parker and Zachary with me.  I learned really quick that you can't take 4 boys with you to IKEA because even though they have a "family plan" or whatever that is, by family they mean leave your kids in the play area because we don't want them to touch our stuff.  We wound our way through the maze of couches and dressers and kitchen stuff, etc.  If you've never been in an IKEA, you have to follow these blue arrows through almost the entire store until you can get out.  They have these little short-cuts every now and then, but they're a little hard to get to and, again, you have to risk touching the merchandise to get there.  Best to just stick to the path.

We probably made it about 20 minutes this trip before someone ticked me off (that's actually pretty good), so, as per usual, I found myself sitting in the café halfway through the store glaring at everyone around me.

IKEA people. 

IKEA people, despite the fact that they're looking at very inexpensive furniture, are a little snooty.  It's like you have to check your southern hospitality at the door when you go in there.  And they're always dressed a little nicer than I am and know how to use things like Instagram and Twitter and they don't eat gluten or sugar.  IKEA people.  Sitting there all smug with their bergdorfs and ilkentops, trying to decide where to put their shurgenburgens at home after they've plugged their electric cars in. 

And then it occurs to me.

I'm in IKEA. 

I'm enjoying lunch and a beverage in the café.  I'm carrying around a carefully designed Swedish product with instructions that I'll never be able to understand.  Am I an IKEA person, too??!!!

And there it is.  The great human equalizer.  The realization that you are no better and no worse than the people around you (despite my inability to use Instagram or Twitter and being totally accepting of both sugar and gluten).  Did I not just drive myself 30 minutes to get here?  Our van may not be electric, but I use the eco-boost for fuel efficiency!  I kind of don't even mind that they don't give you a plastic bag to carry your stuff home in.  Sweet mother of Lionel Richie....I have become an IKEA person.

So my message for today....cut the world some slack.  We all need forgiveness and we all get grace.  No matter how far up or down your nose you're looking at someone....you aren't really all the different from them in the end. 

God loves us each the same.  REALLY.  He does.  No exceptions.  Even the IKEA people.

Especially the IKEA people.

 

XOXO....Kelly      

New vans and old bladders....

We got a new(er) van just before Christmas.  For those of you that know of our old van, you know it was dearly loved, but pretty much just what you would expect for a family riding around with four little boys.  Rough.  We resolved to give up on prideful vehicles a long time ago, but when the door locks stopped working Kevin put his foot down.  So we upgraded and our new(er) van has all sorts of fancy bells and whistles.....a DVD player, heated seats, a heated steering wheel, automatic doors and door locks that work.  As I often like to say, there is sooooo much on this van for us to break.  It's going to be great.

Earlier this week, Parker and I headed out of Jazzercise for a quick trip to Target.  I should have used the restroom before we left Jazzercise, but I still like to believe I have the bladder of a 20-year old.  Everything else is aging, so I try to cling on to what I can.  It, of course, is nowhere near the bladder of a 20-year old and so I was in a pretty desperate condition by the time I got to Target.

Parker has just recently learned to use the automatic door lock buttons and insists on opening and closing the door by himself every time we go somewhere.  While he understands the basic principle behind the button, the particulars trip him up sometimes.  Like, don't hit it more than once or don't hit the button when someone is standing in front of the door.  And so there I stood, in the Target parking lot, trying to get my 2 1/2 year old out of the van--who is managing to pin my arm in the car door because he won't stop hitting the automatic door button--and all the while ready to pee everywhere.

When I finally freed us, I noticed a young 20-something young man staring as he passed by.  Wonder what he was thinking.  After all, there's not much more attractive than a 35-year old mother of four wetting her Jazzercise pants in the Target parking lot while shouting at her son to quit slamming the door shut on her arm. 

Fortunately I made it into the store before any real damage was done and managed to get the few groceries I came for as well.  We'll call that one a success.  Next time, who knows.

Some days the sun shines, the sky is blue and Target has everything you need in stock.  Other days you pee all over yourself in the parking lot before you even get inside.  Can there be peace on such as day as this?  You betcha.

"We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed....Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."  2 Cor 4:8,9,16

God's work in you continues, my friend, every day--rain or shine, good or bad--no matter what.  His peace renews us, providing light where darkness threatens to take over.  Father, help me to rely on that.  When my patience is tested and my circumstances seem desperate, let your peace take over.  When my body fails and technology backfires, it is the only way.  Amen.

XOXO......Kelly

Mama Jan

A long time friend of mine lost her mother this weekend.  "Mama Jan" struggled for so many years bravely and gracefully, and is at peace at last.  I think about the many ups and downs her family went through alongside her, the spirit of hope that kept them all together. 

We've all been there in one capacity or another...staring into the face of fear and uncertainty.  Illness, job loss, a broken relationship.  Mistakes abound.  Circumstances fail us.

But there is always hope.

I lift my eyes unto the hills--where does my help come from?
My help is in the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

Let what brings us to our knees, be what brings us to Christ.  Let our heads not bow in defeat, but in fervent prayer.  Let hope replace your sorrow, your fear, your uncertainty.  There is always hope.

To my friend, I know your pain is great and your loss immeasurable.  What an inspiration you and your family are, how you've lived for so long in hope and joy and faithfulness.  This road has been a long one, the road ahead longer still.  May God's peace surround you in the coming days.  May His hope continue to live and grow in each one of you.  You are in our thoughts and prayers always. 

XOXO....Kelly