Enough

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12-13 

 

It's been just over a year since I resigned from my position as youth director at CUMC.  We took on another baby (or rather it took us on....he is winning so far, by the way :)) and dropped a salary.  Giving up a salary at any stage of the game is a tremendous leap of faith.  I can't say it's been easy.  Kevin had a mean HomeGoods habit we had to break and eating out less means I now have to think about dinner before 5:00pm.  But it's been my attitude toward money that's required the most work.  I would approach bill-paying day full of stress and frustration and then be mad for two days after and I have no good reason for it.  We've always been able to pay our bills, feed our kids and clothe our family, but I'm a terrible goal setter.  I might like to blame financial woes on car repairs, etc. but when it comes to spending money I am my own worst enemy.  So one night I was reading one of my favorite devotional books when I came across this passage by Debby Mayne on the topic of money. 

"Money is mentioned in the Bible hundreds of times, so God obviously considers it relevant to our lives.  His perspective is quite different from ours, though, and I think we need to pay closer attention to what He says.  He's not so much against having wealth, but He warns us about our attitude toward it. I've found that when I looked at money to define anything about myself as a person, I've been miserable, regardless of how much I had or didn't have.  On the flip side, when my focus is on Him, I see money as something that comes when needed and goes when it becomes too consuming, and I find joy in His promise of eternal life."  (From Delight Yourself in the Lord...Even on Bad Hair Days, Summerside Press copyright 2010)

What a message!  I tend to want to think of those with wealth as the people obsessed with money, but who knew you could be obsessed with it the other way around.  And I was obsessed.  I drove Kevin-- who works incredibly hard and sufficiently and is an amazing provider--crazy.  I let the stress of finances spill over into my role as a parent, which is stressful enough on its own merits.  And worst of all I was completely disregarding God's ability to take care of our needs.  So I began to diligently pray over these thoughts from Debby and this verse from Philippians.  I didn't want to just be trusting, but content in my trusting.  I stopped wanting our finances to change and started wanting my heart to change instead.  And while my attitude is far from perfect, I feel like God has really helped me to let His joy consume me instead of my own worries over the past year.  Whether the day feels like a "plenty" day or a "want" one I just feel like I have enough.  That's about as financially secure as I think you can get nowadays.  XOXO....Kelly