Soldier.

Oh, my sweet Michael.  This evening his faithful fish, Soldier, passed on to fish heaven.  He cried and cried as we prayed around the toilet together and flushed dear Soldier on to the next life.  It makes it a little bit easier that Michael is a boy.  I feel like if I had daughters there would have been no flushing.  Some sort of burial would have been demanded.  There would have been flowers and probably music.  Nonetheless, it's so hard to watch a kid lose a pet.  My little sister had a bunny when we were growing up named Thumper.  Thumper was awesome.  He came when you called him, you could hold him and carry him, he walked on a leash.  It was like he was part dog or something.  Well it came to pass one evening that Thumper was let outside at the same time as our poodle, Jake.  Thumper might have been part dog, but the other part of him was still rabbit and Jake, being all dog, attacked the rabbit.  To spare us from the difficult truth that one beloved pet would try to eat another one, my dad told us that Thumper saw the dog, got scared, had a heart attack and died.  It wasn't until I was in college that the truth dawned on me.  "Rabbits don't have heart attacks when they see dogs.  They run.  Wait a minute....."  And then I called my parents.  I believe that is probably the moment in my father's life when he realized I had become an adult, finally old enough to handle the truth, wise almost.  (If my father is reading this right now he is probably rolling his eyes.)  At any rate, this memory of our pet's passing brings to mind how God works in the passage of time, when something happens that doesn't make sense or, better yet, you don't even think to question.  And one day weeks or months or years later God reveals it to you.  It is an extraordinary thing to feel close to God's will.  For me it is so reassuring, how He can obliterate all the doubt of a century within the revelation of a single minute.  But it can be hard to wait while getting there.  I don't know a lot of people that like to admit out loud to doubting God, and while I feel like I don't question him much, I sure do get angry with Him, impatient.  Not too long ago I had a mental conversation with God that went something like this...."Okay, GOD.  I will wait this one out.  But I am NOT happy about it.  You had better have something good in mind."  Sound familiar?  "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish the purpose for which I sent it."  Isaiah 55:10-11.  God's word don't mess around.  In its perfect time according to His perfect plan we will see the face of Jesus in everything we do.  What you thought you knew or tried to understand you will see with all the divine grace of His holy kingdom.  I am grateful that God has a plan and humbled that occasionally my life and heart are in such a position that I catch the glimpses He reveals to me.  Is it because I am wise?  No, probably not.  But a child of His grace nonetheless.  XOXO...Kelly