Enough

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12-13 

 

It's been just over a year since I resigned from my position as youth director at CUMC.  We took on another baby (or rather it took us on....he is winning so far, by the way :)) and dropped a salary.  Giving up a salary at any stage of the game is a tremendous leap of faith.  I can't say it's been easy.  Kevin had a mean HomeGoods habit we had to break and eating out less means I now have to think about dinner before 5:00pm.  But it's been my attitude toward money that's required the most work.  I would approach bill-paying day full of stress and frustration and then be mad for two days after and I have no good reason for it.  We've always been able to pay our bills, feed our kids and clothe our family, but I'm a terrible goal setter.  I might like to blame financial woes on car repairs, etc. but when it comes to spending money I am my own worst enemy.  So one night I was reading one of my favorite devotional books when I came across this passage by Debby Mayne on the topic of money. 

"Money is mentioned in the Bible hundreds of times, so God obviously considers it relevant to our lives.  His perspective is quite different from ours, though, and I think we need to pay closer attention to what He says.  He's not so much against having wealth, but He warns us about our attitude toward it. I've found that when I looked at money to define anything about myself as a person, I've been miserable, regardless of how much I had or didn't have.  On the flip side, when my focus is on Him, I see money as something that comes when needed and goes when it becomes too consuming, and I find joy in His promise of eternal life."  (From Delight Yourself in the Lord...Even on Bad Hair Days, Summerside Press copyright 2010)

What a message!  I tend to want to think of those with wealth as the people obsessed with money, but who knew you could be obsessed with it the other way around.  And I was obsessed.  I drove Kevin-- who works incredibly hard and sufficiently and is an amazing provider--crazy.  I let the stress of finances spill over into my role as a parent, which is stressful enough on its own merits.  And worst of all I was completely disregarding God's ability to take care of our needs.  So I began to diligently pray over these thoughts from Debby and this verse from Philippians.  I didn't want to just be trusting, but content in my trusting.  I stopped wanting our finances to change and started wanting my heart to change instead.  And while my attitude is far from perfect, I feel like God has really helped me to let His joy consume me instead of my own worries over the past year.  Whether the day feels like a "plenty" day or a "want" one I just feel like I have enough.  That's about as financially secure as I think you can get nowadays.  XOXO....Kelly
 

Soldier.

Oh, my sweet Michael.  This evening his faithful fish, Soldier, passed on to fish heaven.  He cried and cried as we prayed around the toilet together and flushed dear Soldier on to the next life.  It makes it a little bit easier that Michael is a boy.  I feel like if I had daughters there would have been no flushing.  Some sort of burial would have been demanded.  There would have been flowers and probably music.  Nonetheless, it's so hard to watch a kid lose a pet.  My little sister had a bunny when we were growing up named Thumper.  Thumper was awesome.  He came when you called him, you could hold him and carry him, he walked on a leash.  It was like he was part dog or something.  Well it came to pass one evening that Thumper was let outside at the same time as our poodle, Jake.  Thumper might have been part dog, but the other part of him was still rabbit and Jake, being all dog, attacked the rabbit.  To spare us from the difficult truth that one beloved pet would try to eat another one, my dad told us that Thumper saw the dog, got scared, had a heart attack and died.  It wasn't until I was in college that the truth dawned on me.  "Rabbits don't have heart attacks when they see dogs.  They run.  Wait a minute....."  And then I called my parents.  I believe that is probably the moment in my father's life when he realized I had become an adult, finally old enough to handle the truth, wise almost.  (If my father is reading this right now he is probably rolling his eyes.)  At any rate, this memory of our pet's passing brings to mind how God works in the passage of time, when something happens that doesn't make sense or, better yet, you don't even think to question.  And one day weeks or months or years later God reveals it to you.  It is an extraordinary thing to feel close to God's will.  For me it is so reassuring, how He can obliterate all the doubt of a century within the revelation of a single minute.  But it can be hard to wait while getting there.  I don't know a lot of people that like to admit out loud to doubting God, and while I feel like I don't question him much, I sure do get angry with Him, impatient.  Not too long ago I had a mental conversation with God that went something like this...."Okay, GOD.  I will wait this one out.  But I am NOT happy about it.  You had better have something good in mind."  Sound familiar?  "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish the purpose for which I sent it."  Isaiah 55:10-11.  God's word don't mess around.  In its perfect time according to His perfect plan we will see the face of Jesus in everything we do.  What you thought you knew or tried to understand you will see with all the divine grace of His holy kingdom.  I am grateful that God has a plan and humbled that occasionally my life and heart are in such a position that I catch the glimpses He reveals to me.  Is it because I am wise?  No, probably not.  But a child of His grace nonetheless.  XOXO...Kelly

Roots.

Since Mother's Day was Sunday, please enjoy this heartwarming tale on motherhood.  When Michael was one day old--we were still in the hospital--several people came to visit all at once.  It was late in the day.  He was tired, I was tired and he wouldn't stop crying.  A well-meaning nurse shooed everyone from the room.  I swaddled him in a blanket, put him in the bassinet and pushed him into the corner away from the light.  Instantly he stopped crying.  All he needed was to be left alone and sleep.  I remember at the time being shocked that I managed to fix the problem so quickly, and it was in that moment I knew I was where I was meant to be, as a mother.  When I start to doubt my maternal abilities I remind myself of this experience.  I do, in fact, have what it takes.  I know this because God has put it inside of me and what is rooted in God's will can not fail.  If I can manage to succeed with a newborn baby one day after a major C-section and following my first sleepless night surely I can succeed on a day when the sun is shining and my hair looks good.  Do you trust that God has you rooted today?  Whether it's your job, your role as a parent, a spouse, a student, a sibling "I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)  A few short months after our experience in the hospital, I was giving that same sweet angel baby a bath at home.  As I smiled and sang to him and cooed I missed that he had pooped in the water.  I somehow managed to scoop the poop up in the wash cloth and then smear it all over his body as if it was soap.  It's a good thing Michael's got his roots in the right place, too.  Life is full of poo.  :)  XOXO...Kelly 

 

A shout out to all the Pogue women out there on this one. :)

I have the tendency to be bossy and controlling.  It is a wonder my sisters still talk to me.  They probably think that if they don't answer my calls I'll just show up at their homes.  This is true.  I would totally do that.  I come by this trait honestly.  I once watched my mother, grandmother and two aunts all stir the same pan of vegetables to see if I was cooking it correctly.  Our family gatherings usually include a lot of unsolicited advice followed by exasperation the whole drive home that no one would take our unsolicited advice.  "They'll see!!  They'll see and they'll be sorry!"  (It's not so much that we don't want success for other people.  It's just that we would prefer other people succeed because we were right.  I know, I know.  There should be an island for people like us.)  Under the right circumstances--natural disasters, church potluck dinners, 5-year old t-ball games--this sort of personality trait can come in very handy.  If only I was better at knowing when to turn it off.  At any rate, it should come as no surprise that I produced children who also have the same tendencies.  There is nothing that gets under the skin of my 5 and 6 year old sons more than when another brother is not doing what they want him to do.  They are so blinded by their drive to be right that often common sense eludes them.  Only one of my children so far has wised up enough to know that if you want another brother to do what you say you have to add "Mom said" to your command.  (I'll add that it is child #3 that figured this out.  He's the smallest of my boys but by position probably the toughest.  If you're looking for a good piece of unsolicited advice today, do NOT get on the wrong side of a fight with this boy.  Seriously, he'll get you.)  It only took a handful of disagreements before it occurred to Zachary that he was not going to get far on his own authority.  And like my ornery little friend, this is true for most of us as well.  We have the privilege to walk in Christ's authority every day.  At Matthew 28 Jesus commissions the disciples, "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations".  Any power, any goodness, any mercy or grace that we possess starts here, with the authority given to us in Christ Jesus.  And when we walk in God's authority things get done! His power far exceeds anything we can come up.  "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor 12:9).  When I rely on God's power to work through me for the good of His will I am walking in Christ's authority.  When I rely on my own ridiculous self to get things done, well, I might as well be screaming at a 5 year old to give me a turn with his monster truck.  Walk in God's authority today, friends, and rest in the peace that it can not fail.  XOXO....Kelly