Now.

We just returned home last night for a long weekend in the New Braunfels area with Kevin's parents.  It's a tradition we started a few summers ago.  We take off for a few days to a beach or river somewhere and just hang out and it is wonderful!  There is a special kind of bonding that comes with squeezing your whole family into a condo or beach house somewhere that simply can not be beat.  Everyone is exhausted today, of course, so I plan to exercise some of my super parenting skills and allow the boys an extra hour on the Wii while I do laundry.  And then it's back to the grind!  The school year is almost upon us and I really can't believe how fast the summer flew.  Remember when I said several weeks ago that I fear the summer?  All the heat and wide open expanses of time needing to be filled.  But as it turns out I do not mind the heat that much (which either makes me crazy or some kind of adaptation super mutant) and the extra time with my kids was just what I needed.  So now I sit at the brink of another school year and temptation is pulling at me once again.  Part of me wants to be sad, mourn the loss of summer, wish my soon to be kindergartener and first grader could be toddlers again, angst over whether or not I cherished them enough while they were home.  The other part of me says, arg, this is hard, and longs for the days they can stay home by themselves and I don't have to drag four less than willing little boys to Target with me, and dreams of uninterrupted manicures and Jazzercise.  But the bottom line is I don't think God wants me in either of those places.  Oh, I love my babies.  I loved them when they were little and pudgy and cute and giggly and I am sure the time ahead of me when I can move with a little more freedom will be justly deserved.  But what I really love is the NOW of my life.  I love what God has given me to enjoy now.  Michael is smart as a whip.  Blake thinks he's a weapons specialist.  Zachary is working hard to improve his "arm-pit toots".  Parker yells at all of them in baby talk.  It's precious!  How could I possibly want to miss it?  How can I be a good parent, wife, friend, sister, disciple if I'm constantly looking back with longing and ahead with anxiety?  As Kevin and I were floating on the river the other evening, watching all the college kids make a ruckus, I said to him, "I remember that college was fun, but there's no part of me that wants to go back."  (To be fair, watching a group of ragged 20 year olds nearing the end of a long tube ride accompanied by their favorite alcoholic beverage isn't really a good post card for any university.)  Isn't that what God's peace is for all of us?  That no matter what lies ahead and what lies behind, His joy meets us right where we are.  Sometimes the now is rough,  but I believe God provides for every moment of our lives and His greatest desire that we would see Him in them.  Father, I praise you with highest gratitude for what you've given me, for a past and a future touched by You.  But I thank you especially for today and the joy that comes from all that is before me now.  Amen. 

XOXO....Kelly