Starting over....

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me...Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation.  Psalm 51:10, 12

Starting over used to be easier.  If I wanted a change, I simply made one.  My hair, the quilt on my bed, the color on my walls.  Spontaneity could happen everyday!

And then some other stuff happened, as is the way of life.  Jobs, a husband, a house, kids, dogs, etc.  People start expecting you to be places...like work and school...on a regular basis.  Getting a hair cut means finding time for an appointment and finding someone to watch the kids while you go.  Do you know how many opinions Kevin has on bedding?  And don't even get me started on paint colors....

But then it turns out those aren't the kind of changes that fulfill me anymore anyway. 

I've started reciting this verse when I wake up in the mornings.  It helps me to remember the kind of change I should be working for.  As I say it I try to imagine that my body is full of sand, sand made up of pride, anger, resentment, envy, criticism.  I picture God's spirit pouring into me, light as air but strong as wind, and pushing the sand out until I can stand up again, free and unburdened.  Some days I move on feeling light and simple all day.  Some days I am full of sand again before breakfast is finished. 

What peace there is to know I can start over again the next day.  All it takes is one deep breath and the willingness to let all that weight go.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew my spirit.
Restore my joy.
For You alone are my salvation.
Amen.

XOXO.....Kelly