Today I threw a fit.

I'm a big fan of a well-timed fit, the kind that only comes after you've exercised a considerable amount of self-control and blessing-counting, but, despite your greatest efforts, all you can do is scream.  I had such a fit earlier today.  I have become decreasingly discouraged about the way something in my life is going lately and finally I lost it.  Fortunately only Parker was home to witness it and he was pretty much outside the entire time. 

No, I don't want a hug.  Please don't tell me to take a deep breath.  And I don't care if you have a mixture of essential oils that will help calm me down.  All I want to do is scream.  And this is why....

Because being grateful is good.  Having self-control is good.  Choosing joy is good.  But none of those things can I do on my own.  None of those things can I do without the grace of God.  And, for me, throwing a fit is realizing that I need that grace.  That I'm human.  That I have selfish, human feelings.  That I do not have it together all the time. 

So I cry and I yell and then I pray.  I pray for forgiveness for the ways my heart and my emotions betray His will for me.  I pray for the things I try to take into my own hands instead of trusting Him.  I pray for the blessings I overlook that come from adversity.  I pray for my gratefulness to be rooted in Him because that's the only way it's going to last.  I pray until my sorrow and anger has subsided and His spirit has filled me once again.

I am grateful, not for what I have, but because of what God is able to do with what I have...  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I have self-control because He is in control...  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8

I know joy because I find it in Him...  "For the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Fit-throwing isn't pretty.  It's not admirable.  It's one of those things we usually reserve for toddlers in the middle of the Target toy aisle.  But I guess that's the point.  No matter how old we get or mature in our faith, God is still our Father.  We will always be His children.  And we need to be pulled back to His side from time to time, when we've strayed too far or tried to do too much on our own.  I'm thankful God is more merciful to me than I am to my own fit-throwing toddler.  I guess a little grace in that department wouldn't hurt either.  But with the grace of God I will pull myself back together and regain a little composure.  After all, Elf on the Shelf season is just around the corner and I'm gonna need a whole lot of patience for that.... 

XOXO....Kelly